Our Stories




Mohammad
Palestinian Jordanian

GMEM is a game changer for gay Middle Eastern men in the Bay Area, wherever you are on your journey with sexuality (coming to terms vs. understanding vs. celebrating and loving).

When I joined, the group was immediately welcoming and quickly felt like family. It became a great space to think out loud, share feelings, and express myself. In the rare case where there was disagreement or conflict, the group came out stronger and more understanding. Even after leaving the group, I maintain connections and friendships with people within group and others who have left. 

Overall, GMEM is a great way to build your local Bay Area community, especially if you are looking for something beyond the more typical sports leagues or party scenes . It’s such a special and unique environment where anyone can bring their full selves and still be met with respect, open-mindedness and love. I don’t know of any other spaces where men across nationalities, religions, ages/generations, and neurodiversity can connect. 

I would note that the group best serves people who identify as gay men, and specifically cis gay men. There is definitely space for everyone (e.g., queer or trans men), but some GMEM members may be earlier in their coming out journey and/or not fully immersed within the broader LGBTQ2IA+ community so they may have gaps in awareness related to the most marginalized folx in our community. With that said, I myself identify as queer and still benefited from the supportive, loving and understanding environment, and found the group to be open to greater learning and awareness. (2024)

Fadi
Palestinian, Lebanese, and Syrian

I've been part of GMEM for over 2.5 years now. I joined when I first came to San Francisco because I was looking for connections to people like me, SWANA queers, something I'd never  explored much before. It has been exciting, rewarding and emotionally transformative to be part of a group where I can talk freely about my culture, my identity and whatever else is happening in my life. It's freeing to be able to make these connections and have a space where I can grow with other folks on their own journeys. I feel more confident in my self-expression, my gender, my femininity, and my sexuality. GMEM has helped me to open up more in my social life and with my family back home. I feel lucky to be part of this group. (2021)

Ehsan
Iranian 

When I joined this group, I had lived for a year in San Francisco. I didn't know many gay people and I had a language barrier to connect with people at the level I wanted. GMEM members were very welcoming and very patient with my level of English. It didn't take long to I feel that I belonged and secure enough to tell my stories and experiences.

After almost two years in this group, I've learned a lot from everyone that attends. The genuine stories and unique experiences of each individual, have been very insightful for me and have helped me to know myself better and make better decisions in my path. As a person that is not friendly with my feelings, this group has given me a safe space to express my emotions and untangle my thoughts by providing insightful comments on them.

I believe this group is one of those unique spaces where there is truly no judgment about a person's background, beliefs or lifestyle. Although the group is small, it is very diverse. Members are from different countries, have different beliefs and are different ages. Actually, the fact that it is a small group has helped to make more meaningful and intimate connections.

If you are looking to find friends, share your stories and make meaningful connections, I recommend that you attend the GMEM group. You won't regret it. (2019)

Khaled
Egyptian 

I had the pleasure of stumbling upon this piece of heaven on earth that is called the GMEM group. As a person who identifies as a Middle Eastern, a practicing Muslim and a gay man, finding a social support network that appreciates the subtleties of culture and religion is quite rare. This is why I feel indebted to this group as not only was I welcomed with open arms, but it was done so without judgment or scrutiny. Too often I've felt judged (and sometimes feeling ashamed) in communities where intolerance is the norm so it is a breath of fresh air when one doesn't need to worry about just being yourself. Now almost a year and half later, I continue to participate with the group while sharing our thoughts (and yummy food!) and many of the members have become close friends. Eternally grateful for this resource!" (2018) 

Ebrahim
Yemeni 

As a new arrival to the Bay Area, it was very important for me to find a space of connection and reflection in light of my polarized identities - a queer, Arab, Muslim man. Prior to my departure to the United States, I stumbled upon the GMEM group on a Google search and, without hesitation, I wrote to them a short self-introductory email expressing my interest in participating. In no time, I received a warm response back with follow up questions. After a short exchange, I was welcomed to the space with open arms and began attending on my first week of arrival to San Francisco.

I attended the group's meetings regularly for a period of 10 months where I got to meet men from different backgrounds, faiths, experiences, and nationalities. The diversity that was present in the group enriched my experience and opened my eyes to many things that I would not have ever considered before. Through this group, I made connections to other queer Arab people and organizations, and I walked away from the group with a greater sense of who I am and what I want.

The most valuable lesson I learned in from the group was the importance of asking generative questions and critically reflect on myself and my relationship with others. I remember experiencing a number of "aha!" moments when different group members probed further and inquired deeper in the presented issues by others instead of simply validating or providing advice to one another. If you are looking for a space of challenge, personal growth, and introspection, then I recommend the GMEM group. (2014)

Jahan
Iranian 

While I am of Iranian heritage, I grew up in North America and came out to family and friends in my early 20's.  I was lucky enough to have a good support system, but found it consistently difficult to connect with other gay men.  This was something I struggled with for several years.

I moved to San Francisco just over two years ago and found myself in a new city where I had hoped for a new start. Unfortunately, at this point I felt totally detached from everything.  I grew up with Middle Eastern culture, but wasn't connected to that community.  I had never felt that I belonged in the straight world, and now I felt as if I was an outcast in the gay community.  I felt damaged.  That was when I came across the Gay Middle Eastern Men's group.  My initial interest in the group was to take two aspects of my life, being Middle Eastern and being gay, and hope that I would be in an environment where I could feel at ease and connect with other gay men.

Within this group I found a place, I found a voice, and I found a self-confidence that was not there previously.  My growth since moving to the Bay Area was immense and a large part of that was from the support, friendships, and connections I made in the GMEM.  Since my move I have been able to foster a better understanding of myself, my surroundings, and how I fit into my environment.  I realized that – for me – my sense of belonging and acceptance needed to come from myself rather than expecting it to come from an external source.  Most importantly to me, this experience has allowed me to have a better sense of appreciation and tenderness towards myself.  It has been an exciting journey that I am still on, and still continuing to develop. (2014) (2014)

Muhammad
Palestinian 

"Support Group for Gay Middle Eastern Men," the posting read. I was intrigued so I visited the website and read through the entire thing. I focused on the testimonials shared by some of the men in the group. Reading about their experiences caused me to flash back to my own childhood and adolescence.

Born to Palestinian immigrants, who did their best to assimilate to life in the US, I remembered always being ashamed of my heritage because of the portrayal of Palestinian people. From my perspective, Palestinian and Middle Eastern people were, and continue to be, portrayed in negative ways. Also, from my perspective, the GLBT community is portrayed just as negatively. There are a lot of generalizations and misconceptions about both groups. I feel as if both groups are rejected by society.

GMEM is a group that’s offering me a place to share my thoughts, express my feelings, and perceptions with others like myself. I was excited to meet these guys! From day one I was welcomed with open arms to this kind and caring group of men. I was able to be 100%, genuinely, positively, me. I shared things that I had shared with others in the past but things seemed to be different. Actually having a group that appreciated and understood where I was coming from made the difference. This group has helped me tremendously. I have learned a lot about myself from these guys. As a gay Palestinian I’m now proud to share my experience with this group by writing a testimonial to you. (2011)

Ghazwan
Iraqi 

Before coming to the group one year ago, I was weak with severe depression. I was giving up hope in everything, living with no one to share what was going on inside of me and my struggles. I never thought one day I would tell my sexual story to anyone, but you guys made it easy for me to talk. I was comfortable feeling in this group that I was one of this family. Through time I became stronger and more confident with myself.

This group made me be "me" again with much more hope; more optimistic in the future; looking ahead and not thinking about the past. I really appreciate life -- to live and love. I love you guys all! I'm really grateful for your time, listening, care and generosity. You are all very special in my life and my heart. (2010)

Philip
Armenian and Lebanese 

I joined this group because I wanted to understand my father better, and how his heritage affected the way I was raised. He deliberately tried to hide his heritage since he immigrated to the U.S., but I know that it affects the way he acts. Growing up in America, with an American mother, I often did not understand my father’s behavior.

I did not know exactly what to expect of the group. Before my first group, I thought that I would simply listen and learn about my heritage from others, but the group is more dynamic than that. I understand the other members better than I thought I would, because I often react to things the same way that they do.

Since I have attended this group, I have a better understanding of my father and communicate better with him. I have also found that many of my own behaviors were influenced by my father, so understand myself better. I now have more pride in my heritage and feel more secure in who I am. (2009)

Liam
Saudi

When I first came to live in the Bay Area, I immersed myself in the cosmopolitan nature of it. At the same time, I missed the earthy connection I used to get from living in an "old world" city. I felt stuck between two cultures, yet not really part of either one.

When someone told me about this group, I was worried that the group might be too “Middle Eastern,” i.e. indirectly enforcing those unwritten rules that I explicitly left behind. Instead, the other men were all like me—normal people, with issues of their own trying to make sense of how to achieve balance in their lives. This group seemed like the right place to address issues of this nature. To me the group is warm, polite, thoughtful, kind, open, mature and very understanding and understandable. (2008)
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