Questions & Answers

This is a group for gay men of direct Middle Eastern origin, heritage or culture to come together to:

• Express yourself fully and honestly
• Develop healthy emotional connections with other gay men
• Increase cultural understanding of yourself and others
• Make friends with men who share a similar cultural background
• Find a sense of belonging and support for your life situation
• Become more comfortable and confident with your family relationships.

We meet twice a month in San Francisco for two hours to talk openly about whatever's present in our lives — family, relationships, dating, coming out, culture, work, feelings, good news and bad. Over time, trust and real connection build among the men in the group.

The group is intended to be a space where we talk deeply together without the conventions of social performance.

We agree to be together in a certain way. These agreements include supporting each other where we are and that we respect confidentiality. Observing these agreements allows for a more authentic communication, deeper self-understanding, and a stronger connection to others in the group. Having a structure in which these agreements are held creates a special space which doesn't hold true in a social setting.

Members learn about themselves through sharing and reflection from others.

We start with a brief check-in where everyone shares how they're doing. Then we have an open conversation — anything that affects your life is fair game. Members reflect back what they hear and gently challenge each other in a caring way. It's not therapy, but there's a level of honesty and depth that doesn't happen in a social setting, like at a party or bar.

GMEM is for any gay or queer man with roots in the Middle East or North Africa — anywhere in the SWANA region.

We are a mix of American-born, foreign-born, bilingual, and English only. Since 2006, our members have come from the countries and cultures of Afghanistan, Algeria, Armenia, Assyria, Bahrain, Egypt, Iran, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Oman, Palestine, Saudi Arabia, Syria, Tunisia, Yemen — with upbringings in Islam, Christianity, Judaism, Bahá'í, and Druze.

No and no. The group is not based on specific ethnicity or religion, but on geo-cultural commonalities.

Many people — even Arabs — are surprised to learn that the majority of Arabs in the US are Christian. Since the group's inception, our membership has represented the regions of Palestine, Iran, Iraq, Egypt, Saudi Arabia, Armenia, Lebanon, Algeria, Yemen, Tunisia, Syria and Kuwait. Religious heritages have included Christianity, Islam, Judaism, and Baha'i. Our members have included a mix of American-born and foreign-born, bilingual and English-only.

You don't have to be out, open, or sexually active to join the group. Everyone in the group agrees to confidentiality regarding other members.

Part of the reason the group exists is to provide a safe space to express yourself, and to be heard and understood, just as you are. Be willing to be sincere and honest with the other members about your thoughts and feelings, as well as to hear what other members have to say. Ideally, participation in the group will help you understand yourself better, and help you make choices that are best for you.

Wanting to make friends is a great reason to join GMEM!

At its best, the group creates a miniature community based on trust, healthy communication, and a uniquely gay/male/Middle Eastern bonding. It is precisely because the group meeting is different from a social setting that members are able to speak more closely and bond more quickly. The meetings themselves are not social events but many members form lasting friendships.

No. The group isn't set up for visitors.

Since we talk about very personal and confidential things, it would be uncomfortable to be "observed" by someone who has not committed to full participation.

First and foremost, you are asked to come with the intention to participate fully and honestly, to attend regularly, and to keep what others share confidential.

The intention of GMEM is to create a place to feel whole, to investigate relationships with family, friends and partners, and to gain support to lead an integrated life. Ideally, you will grow as a person, find deeper perspective to make more beneficial choices in your life, and gain the satisfaction of providing support to others. At the minimum, you will share a few hours a month with some special people.

The group meets near the Castro District of San Francisco.

Send us a message through the contact form.

After you contact us, we'll set up a phone conversation. It's an opportunity to get to know each other, to have your questions answered, and to help you decide if the group is right for you.

You can also ask to speak with a current member before deciding.